“A belief that Asian-Americans are taking over US universities, outperforming other groups and grabbing the bulk of math, science and engineering degrees has been debunked in a landmark study.” -AFP

As a firm believer in stereotypes, I was shocked by this “landmark” study that negated the theory that Asian-Americans are science and math nerds. Collegeboard and New York University conducted this study. I’m sorely disappointed by Collegeboard (don’t they know I got a 2400?), but I’m not too surprised by NYU’s participation—it’s not an Ivy League, and therefore fallible. These crazy educational studies that the white man come up with are as far-fetched as 19th century neuroscience! What’s next? The area of a circle is pi multiplied by radius cubed?

I stay up nights and nights to study. Everyone knows Asians are the smartest. Once, I tried to turn in a research paper proving George Washington Carver was actually from Aruppukkottai, India. (For the white people reading this: George Washington Carver was a “black” chemist.) My professor gave me an F. He was white.

Recently, Go Shi University in the Guangdong province of China proved that Steve Jobs and Bill Gates were descendents from Emperor Qian Long. Some people call this a lie. I call those people shortsighted. And white. I tell these people to go get a tan and look up “education” on Wikipedia (wasn’t that invented by a Korean?). Maybe then, they will stop flunking out of school and filling our prisons. You don’t see any Asians in there, do you?

This study is a sham. Don’t believe everything you see on the internet (except this). Ivy Leagues are full of Asian people and we are heavy discriminated against because of it. Jian Li is a classic example of society’s mistreatment of us. He got rejected by Princeton University and then sued them in 2006 for racial discrimination. That poor boy now attends Harvard, having transferred from Yale. This just proves that, despite all the hardships thrown our way, Asians can still triumph and go to heaven.

I don’t know what these people are trying to prove by this study. Everyone has known, and has always known, that there are no dumb Asians.