Official Participant in the Youth Media Blog-a-Thon

By Markeda Ann Cottonham

In the beginning of January 2008, a friend died, his name was Troy Gray. We went to school together. We weren’t the best of friends but he was always nice to me. That’s how I remember him – as laid back and cool. He died at the age of 16, by gunshot. I went to his funeral with a couple of old classmates. It was held at Saint John’s Baptist Church, a church me and my friends have been at to many times before, all for the same unfortunate reason.

I have noticed that every time I pass Saint John’s, I always see someone blessing themselves in the name of the father, the son and the holy sprit. Believing that the cross they put over their chest and head will some how bring peace, not only for themselves but also for the dead ones they have lost.

I witnessed my friend DJ do this when we were in the car passing the church by. I gave him a funny look, because it was out of nowhere. His hands raised up and moved to form this cross he so looked to. I mean, we went form singing Chris Brown’s “With You” to a sudden robotic halt to make the cross. It was almost without thought. When I asked him why he did it he replied, “I saw my uncle.”

Now, I didn’t quite understand what he meant by this, and I didn’t ask, because DJ isn’t crazy, he doesn’t see dead people. But I could see – not only in his demeanor, but in his eyes – that he was saddened. It was a different kind of sad though. It was more like his soul hurt, not his actual being, but something separate and for a moment, I and only I could see this: this wound all exposed as if it was fresh and new. And my god, if only for a moment, I felt his pain and knew exactly what he was going through.

I will be heading back to that church again, for another friend’s funeral, another former classmate, another young black male, another sad story. His name was Tavares. Isn’t it crazy how you can see someone one day and then the next day they’re gone! I mean its crazy. But I have come to grips with death. People die, friends die, family members die. It’s normal and I guess that’s when you know something is wrong, when we start fooling ourselves into thinking that this is normal, when we go out into the world ready to die.

I remember at Tory’s funeral his sister came screaming in, screams that broke my heart and the hearts of all who witnessed it. Almost unable to walk, her screams were almost unbearable because when you heard them, you only got a taste of what she was going through. It was as if her screams would become a storm that would rain down death and destruction and yet, still calm her soul. It was displeasing, and disturbing but it was a revelation, a realization that Tory was really gone, and I think, that was what hurt the most.

“I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH YOU!, his sister screamed. “WHY? MY BROTHER! THAT WAS MY TWIN! YOU WERE MY TWIN! OH GOD, WHY’D THEY HAVE TO TAKE MY BROTHER! OHHH! I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH YOU!”

Me and my friends sat in that church thinking about when will be the next time we’re going have to sit here and hear another sister’s screams, see another mother cry and hear another pastor blame God and tell us that he needed another angel. You see this church represents much more than a place of worship for my community, it represents the reality we live through everyday.

Violence in the communities of San Francisco is an outstanding epidemic that is plaguing not only our older men but our younger ones, too. It’s this “Turf,” “Set,” and “Jets” thing that’s the problem. Kids don’t even know why or what they’re fighting, excuse me, I mean shooting for anymore, they are just doing it because its in their history, it’s they way they grew up and it’s how we as a society are accepting it. I am all about stopping the violence, but lately I see my self just accepting it. I used to be so optimistic, but all these deaths took a toll on me and I found myself saying its never going to end, and that saddens me, to find that I have lost hope – not only in my generation – but myself, too.

So, I guess I’m writing this to redeem myself. I’m writing this to bring back the hope I once had.

So here’s my solution: We need to wake up! Yeah, it sounds easy but it’s not. This doesn’t just take the “hood” and it doesn’t just take San Francisco, the Bay Area, or California for that matter. This has become so serious that we need the entire nation to back us up on this!

• First off, we need to look at what’s causing this alarming problem: guns. Why are guns so accessible? I don’t know a ghetto in this world that’s makes an AK-47. We need to find where these guns are coming from and we need to stop it. This may sound silly but I also think gun shops should make their bullets really expensive, then nobody would be able to buy any.

• Another thing we need to do is have a conflict mediation session, kind of like a truth and reconciliation conference, similar to the ones they had in South Africa after the apartheid. Except instead of criminals, we have entire communities come forward and talk to each other.

• We also need to do something about this drug problem. If I can spot a drug dealer everyday on the block selling drugs – why can’t a trained police? We need to put more job opportunities in the communities, not only for adults, but for young ones too so they won’t have to sell drugs to get by.

• We also need to start at school. All kids go to school at one point in their life, even if only for a brief time period of time. Instead of ignoring the problem and letting the community problem be a community problem, make the schools be apart of the community. Have a curriculum that is designed to teach the students about conflict mediation, gun violence, substance abuse, and how to avoid things that will not benefit their future. Teach them to get along with each other so when they leave that school building they will get along in the streets.
• We also need to provide more activities for our young adults. Provide activities that they actually want to do and will benefit from and not just on the weekdays but the weekends, too. There are some programs out there, but I honestly don’t think there are enough and none to really cater to high school students only in their specific neighborhoods.

• And last but not least, we need to fix the situation at home, provide the parents with the proper training and information on how to keep their kids out of trouble and off of the streets. Provide classes, booklets, T.V. programs and involve the parents more with their children’s schooling. I think if we all get connected we can all start getting along. It make take a while but I’m in it for the long haul.

I don’t know about you but I’m sick and tired of going to church to pay my last respects to a friend that died by the bullet of a gun. I think its time to change.