From Boston Progress Radio:

Once in a blue moon my mother will throw out the term ‘money sucker.’ It’s her derogatory label of those people who are all about the benjamins, baby. I don’t hear her rant about the money makers very often these days, but growing up she used to say it all the time. I remember these personalities in her life like zombies chasing dollar after vacuous dollar, bereft of virtue or worthwhile purpose. It instilled in me a distaste and discomfort with money and its zombifying properties, even as my mother’s opinions about money began to change.

It’s probably relevant that we were a lot poorer then. By the time I was in middle school she’d bought her first home, and the rants took a significant drop. We settled in a nice city with a good school, and I noticed my mother’s attitude about money had changed from something negative to something positive.

I find it interesting how attitudes towards money can differ in respect to financial standing. For my mother, not having enough probably sparked some of the anger that fueled the ‘money sucker’ rants.

I’ve never had much of a desire to make lots of money. I took my mother’s concerns around money to heart, and as I grew I saw how putting a price tag on things often confused its value as much as it defined it. I’ve lived my post-college years on a small salary, and it’s been great. Working with orgs like boston progress and making meaningful connections with folks has been rewarding in ways that are immensely satisfying. And it’s free!

That said, a lack of financial planning now means for more stressful times in the future. Expenses accrue w/age, as we pay off our student loans, buy our first home, have children, and take care of aging parents. When I think about this, I reluctantly admit I need to get more serious about my money. And an important first step in this process was changing how I thought about it.

If you think money is vile, you’ll probably stay away from it. And if you obsess about money, you risk sacrificing other important things to get it. For me, it was (and still is) about striking a medium between the two. Knowing that money isn’t all that’s important, but also remembering that I need to have a plan for the life issues that will come. It’s a relationship I’m slowly and begrudgingly starting to treat like the other close relationships I have in my life, with regular care and concern.

I like thinking about it as a relationship b/c it helps explain why my parents never really talked to me about it. When I was 19, my father walked into my room and brusquely asked if I was using protection with the girl I’d been steadily dating for a couple of years. This was our first serious relationship discussion, so many years too late. But I think would’ve been similarly surprised if he had come in and showed me his paycheck and his bills, and talked to me about how he went about planning his budget.

The lack of money conversations probably springs more from the fact my folks were still developing their views on it. Even somewhat recently, my folks read Robert Kiyosaki’s Rich Dad, Poor Dad series and began talking with me more constructively about money. In the series, Kiyosaki highlights the different educations he got about money from his parental figures.

When I think about what my folks taught me about money, I think of the money-suckers. It wasn’t an ideal education, but seeing them change has taught me that you can still learn and grow even after decades of bad habits. And that’s pretty good.