If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in my nineteen years on this fucked up planet. No matter how optimistic I can be relationships suck salty, impotent balls.

Marriage is a waste of time, boyfriends and girlfriends are time spent unwisely and love is a nonexistent emotion.

Since I was a wee child, still untouched by loves horrors [and whores] I couldn’t wait to get married and have a baby…Brady Bunch style. I wanted the husband and white picket fence and I wanted babies, lots of ‘em. I should have known that my relationships were bound for failure. I mean, every single boyfriend or girlfriend that I’ve ever had has either messed with my emotions or left me hangin’ in the dust wondering where it all went wrong.

My mother’s had her fair share of heartbreak. From my brother’s father, to my sister’ father, to my A-hole of a dad, she’s endured nothing but lost love and pain, the kind of shit you write songs about. But through it all she still has this positive outlook on relationships and I can’t help but wonder how the hell she does it.

I just can’t do it anymore. To gosh damn flippin’ hell with boys and girls!

The guy that I’ve been with for seven years has decided, two kids later, that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and he lets me know the day after Christmas. Over the phone.

Well, isn’t that a nice big fuck you and a Merry Christmas too.

At least I got the marriage thing out of my system early because I think I would have died from a broken heart had he decided that thirty years down the line that we were done. No, I should be happy that he told me early.

I just wish that the romanticized part of my being could just shut up and stop hoping that he comes back. There are other guys out there. And lots of girls…

But I think that for now I’ll just enjoy being a statistical teen mom hangin’ with her kids, single and jaded and fucking living it up because I know that in the later years another dude is gonna come and fuck with my heart but this time I’ll be ready with my switchblade and clamp for the mofo that tries to mess with me.
—Janet Lagto
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Dear Janet,

I too as a single mom of one at 27 – hear and feel greatly your sentiment.

I have gone through the epic highs and soul crushing lows that you explain. I have watched helplessly as relationships formed like a thick haze of clouds swooping me up into a euphoric high, my hopes and dreams all around me then tortuously attempted to piece my heart body and soul back together as that cloud of love dissipated leaving me lonely, sad, and undone.

In essence I am you seven years from now. I too thought I had found the unconventional answer to all of my relational woes when I took a step back after being involved with my son’s father with whom I had been romantically involved with for a little less than 10 years.

I took a 3 year love hiatus: no men, no sex, just my son and me. I was riding high on the moral and ethical ideology that I didn’t need a bleeping man because all the men I had come across from age 14 to now just didn’t seem to fit me.

But then after three years – yes three, I succumbed to the pressures of loneliness for companionship and an end to celibacy. God was that great!

I realize now, more than ever, that we as human beings need one another no matter how many “social networks” are out there! We all need some sort of real physical face-to-face connection to make life worth living.

The horrible truth is—and I believe any mom will tell you the same—as much as I love and adore my son he could never fulfill that man shaped whole that exists in my heart for the opposite sex. So without much trepidation, and after several months of being hounded by a man (lets call him Tito) I did something completely out of my comfort zone and dated someone of a different culture religious and ethnic background.

I erroneously thought to myself, perhaps someone of a different culture will suit me better – eh – not necessarily.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. I am writing this manifesto amid pondering the state of my own relationship optimism, to ascribe to one simple truth – every time another one of my relationships goes up in flames I walk away with some important lesson. You know to never trust a man who tells you he loves you two weeks after you meet!

On a side note, why oh why does it always seem I end up single right before Christmas straight on through New Years and on till just after Valentine’s day! Arg … but I digress.

In the battle of love, after 27 years and one beautiful baby boy later, here’s what I believe: relationships may be fleeting, people may hurt you; love you; then leave you wanting more. But much like learning to ride a bike it’s really all about the ride and the memories and in the end that’s all you have left—so make them damn good!
—Erricka X