Hollywood scandals nowadays are an everyday thing it seems. If it isn’t a new sex tape from some less than smart teen role model, it’s the news of some actor or actress crashing their car under the influence of everything but Flintstones vitamins. But this scandal is a bit different, there are no drugs involved, no car crashes, and not nudabooty. This is a scandal between Ellen DeGeneres, an organization and a puppy. Ellen, to me, seems like the nicest woman ever, she’s kind of like the good witch Glenda from the Wizard of Oz, but one that wears trousers and has a banging girlfriend. So when I saw her pleading on her show for a dog named Iggy to be returned to its family I got a bit upset myself. The video shows a noticeably upset Ellen complete with tissue in hand pleading to a rescue organization, that she got the dog from, to return it to her hairdresser’s kids.

So, the story goes like this Ellen got a puppy. She spent a lot of money to train the puppy and because Ellen and girlfriend Portia de Rossi already have a cat, the puppy just didn’t work out in their home. Ellen gave the dog to her hairdresser, who was looking for a puppy for her two kids. Ellen did not tell the adoption agency that she was going to give the dog to a friend, which is a big no-no. The agency found out about the puppy pawn off and was very unhappy, so much so that they went to the hair dressers’ home and took the dog from the kids, in what I imagine was a very brutal scene, a lot like the one where Elian Gonzales was ripped from his home in Florida.

I would like to go on record to say that not only should Ellen get her dog back but she should get all the strays in the LA county, (including Garry Buseys career). Could a dog ask for a better home than Ellen’s; or the home of any of her (rich) friends? That dog was probably eating sausages and having a good time. I mean, Ellen gave the dog to a loving family with a nice home not Mike Vick for goodness sakes!!!! Give the dog back; it’s the right thing to do. —Donny Lumpkins